Ground Rules for Pets and Humans

As all who share their home with pets know, they rule. In an effort to reclaim your domain and walk in harmony together, these ground rules might help. (This was emailed to me.  Author unknown.  Hattip to BGD.)

Post low on the refrigerator or near pet food storage area…

Dear Dogs and Cats:

human & paw prints horizontal cropThe dishes with the paw prints are yours — and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR; it is not a racetrack.

Racing me to the bottom is not the object.Tripping me doesn’t help because I will fall faster than you can run.

The biggest bed size is a king — and we have it.

I am very sorry about this, but do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. So it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that having tails straight out and tongues sticking out to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

There is no secret exit from the bathroom!

If, by some miracle, I beat you in there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

There is a proper order for kissing that needs to be follow always!

Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.


In fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit And Would Like To Complain About Our Pets:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Now if only The Barker Sisters could read…  Do you have ground rules at your house?



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